The road to self-discovery can be long and exhausting, yet we are still drawn to explore who we truly are. Some turn to social media with declarations like “solo traveling in Hanoi” or “moving to a big city” to kickstart their soul-searching journey. For Zeelah Aquilizan, a ceramic artist based in Quezon City, it began in the quiet corners of her studio.
When I think of terracotta sculptures of women, I am always struck by the works of Ms. Julie Lluch — their heightened tactile details and dramatically intense forms. It is uncommon to see terracotta sculptures in contemporary ceramic exhibitions at galleries in the Philippines; more often, terracotta artifacts such as burial jars and traditional pots are displayed in museums. So when I first encountered Aquilizan’s terracotta pieces at the 2022 “Virtual Hugs” exhibit, I was surprised. Aquilizan’s works at that time reminded me of the emotional response I had upon seeing Ms. Lluch’s Doxology at the National Museum of the Philippines. Although these works differ significantly in aesthetic style, both rely on carefully manipulating forms and the positioning of the subject’s body to convey the pain and suffering of a woman.
Recently, I had the chance to chat with the artist Zeelah Aquilizan, gaining a deeper understanding of how she shifted her medium from porcelain to terracotta, as well as the stories that shaped her sculptural subjects, all from the artist’s perspective.
Aquilizan started her pottery practice in her early 20s, now at her 29th year of existence.
“4th-year college elective ako nakapag-pottery. Doon ako mas na-enganyo mag-ceramics… At nagustuhan ko rin kasi iyong metaphor – the process from something na malambot tapos may ibang elements, like water and air. Tapos ‘yong metaphor na high temperature, dadaan ka muna roon bago titigas ang clay, magiging mas durable siya. Pinakagusto ko kasi talaga ay hindi lang ‘yong ending niya (pottery-making) eh, iyong process talaga, iyong journey to get there. Kaya mas na-inlove talaga ako sa medium na ceramics”, Aquilizan describes the most beautiful aspect of the slow process of transforming soft, wet clay into a hardened material through kiln firing, as though it were a living poem from John Keats’ journal—a poem about how she developed a deep emotional connection with ceramics as an artistic medium.
Her process of creating ceramic sculptures helped her overcome insecurities and led her to self-acceptance. From feeling lost to finding herself. From absorbing the realities of other women to embracing her own womanhood as a Filipino queer woman. These are the changes Aquilizan underwent as she evolved her concepts over time.
“Iyong konsepto ko kasi parang nag-start siya more on sa general experiences of women. Sa akin kasi feeling ko ‘yon pa ‘yong time na medyo hindi ko pa mahanap ang sarili ko. Parang tinatago ko pa ang sarili ko, parang tinatago ko siya through kuwento ng ibang tao. Iyong sarili ko talagang experience, hindi ko pa siya nakakayang i-express. Hanggang noong habang ginagawa ko siya, mas nakaka-relate na rin pala ako (sa mga kuwento ng iba) at doon ko na sinubukang ipasok ang personal experiences ko.”
Aquilizan shares that subconsciously, her desire to express her sexuality is gradually showing through the pieces she creates with terracotta, “Gusto ko talagang i-express iyong sexuality ko tapos ‘di namamalayang lumalabas na pala siya sa mga works ko. Iyong mga individual women na may mask, parang nandoon ‘yong want ko to expose myself pero ‘yong face ay nakatago pa rin hanggang sa nag-grow na ‘yong figures into intimate relationships, a search for community, and creating an environment na gusto kong mangyari in the future – isang safe space na pwedeng maibahagi sa ibang tao.”
The artist draws a parallel between the arduous and painstaking process of transforming clay into ceramics and the equally challenging journey of self-discovery:
“Noong nag-start ako (with ceramic-making) ito rin ‘yong time na lost pa ako. In finding yourself, parang feeling mo ang bigat ng pinagdadaanan mo para maging buo ka. So, parang doon ko na-relate iyong ‘figuring out my idenity’ para maging buo. Personal journey ko siya, habang nagbabago ‘yong buhay ko, binabago ko rin ‘yong concept ng mga works ko. At habang binubuo ko ‘yong mga nagbabagong konsepto, parang binubuo ko na rin ‘yong sarili ko.”
The process of concept-making is not the only force that pushed for the artist’s personal and artistic metamorphosis; the switch from porcelain to terracotta also personified another visual manifestation of the significant changes she underwent.
In 2017, Aquilizan was still using porcelain to create anthropomorphic sculptures, merging it with crochet—an unconventional material with contrasting qualities to ceramics (crochet is soft while ceramics are hard materials). Since galleries often use white walls and white pedestals, Aquilizan conceived the idea of combining crochet with porcelain to create a backdrop for her white, glassy porcelain sculptures, creating emphasis on the porcelain figure as the focal point. Until she transitioned to terracotta, crochet pieces were present throughout the composition, serving as parts of the background, foreground, and middle ground.
Growing up, the artist internalized the belief from her circle that being maputi or light-skinned was considered beautiful, leading her to despise her brown skin from an early age.
In her 2020 series, “Hello Ate, Kumusta?”, Aquilizan reached the point of embracing her morena skin as she exhibited her first terracotta sculptures. No longer hiding beneath a glossy facade; here comes the naked truth and the courage to expose vulnerability from the raw emotions of a woman.
Aquilizan’s transition to unglazed terracotta from glazed porcelain is like choosing to unwrap her true self and nurture self-love through the context of materiality. But a more heartbreaking analogy for this material change is also grounded in the observation that terracotta is often an overlooked medium in the arts scene, particularly in the fine arts. Many regard it as irrelevant cheap material, fit only for making pots that are easily discarded. These perceptions parallel how society views women as the epitome of the Maria Clara archetype, expecting them to be devoid of carnal desires. Women’s sexuality is excluded as a thing of importance in a patriarchal society. This very notion is visually challenged by the use of terracotta clay itself, a material that brings this resistance to life, along with the three-dimensional portraiture of two women sharing genuine intimacy.
Looking forward to the future, Aquilizan eagerly dreams for her fellow queer women, who are unable to find a community, to feel a sense of belongingness like the way she found her home in terracotta:
“Sa Cagayan Valley kasi galing ‘yong dad ko. Doon ko na hinugot ‘yong thought na (kumuha ng materyal) kung saan man ako galing.”
She also adds that terracotta feels like home because it traces back to our ancestors’ pottery-making traditions during the pre-colonial period. The artist further hopes that her ceramic sculptures will bring comfort to women, especially queer women, who feel as though they have been fighting alone. She then recalls the terracotta sculptures she created of woman-like figures with whimsical masks covering their faces:
“The loneliness of parang mag-isa ka lang na pinagdadaanan ito, naka-mask pa kasi ashamed ka pa of who you truly are.”
This November 10, 2024, we can dive further into Zeelah Aquilizan’s ephemeral world of ceramics in her first solo exhibition under the Tuklas Art Residency Program at Eskinita Art Farm, Tanauan, Batangas.
Lin Bajala, raised in South Cotabato, is a poet with literary works in Filipino and Hiligaynon. Her poems metaphorically describe the pain of losing, longing, and hoping.
She is also the curator for the core programs of Odangputik Art Space which are mainly designed for the progress of Philippine contemporary ceramics. Her practice often integrates decentralized structures and interdisciplinary concepts.
She took Master in Business Management Major in Finance in Mindanao State University and she is currently studying Art Studies in the University of the Philippines Diliman.
Above all things, Lin would prefer to introduce herself as a crazy cat lady.